The Burden of Recycling

I am a child of the seventies raised on Ranger Rick and goats milk.  I believe in being kind to all creatures and all life on earth.  I am a tree-hugger, a granola, a greenie.  I feel it is incumbent upon me to keep my impact on the earth low.  So I recycle.  I recycle paper and plastic and glass and aluminum.  I recycle whatever can be recycled in my area and reuse as much of the rest of it as I can.  And so I have bins and bags and garbage cans full of objects and items awaiting their fate, for in our area you can recycle very little:  two grades of plastic, glass bottles and jars, and paper. 

Armed with this knowledge I go to the grocery store to buy goods.  But as there are only two of us in my household, buying things in bulk is not particularly appropriate - things go bad before we get to them.  And buying things that are organic and made by "green" companies does not always ensure the reduction of packaging and non-recyclable materials.  Coupled with the fact that we are on a tight budget, we can not always buy the items of least environmental impact.

And what of the electronic devices so inherent to our world these days?  I could not work from home without my computer and external drives and cds and dvds.  And what of battery operated appliances that are necessities - I am speaking of flashlights and radios for when the power goes out.  And what of the plastic that everything is made of these days?  And tires?  And the toxic fluids like oil that keeps our world running?

Ever trip to the store is a mental balancing act.  I cannot just buy what I want and leave.  I must mull over every purchase of every size and every packaging persuasion.  Any purchase of an appliance must be weighed with a heavy heart and a light pocketbook.  I have two twenty year old tvs.  I have a twenty year old vcr.  We do own a dvd player, and are housing every other one we bought that died within six months.  Every dead radio or speaker, every unusable appliance that I cannot bear to see go into the landfill lives in my garage or basement or attic.  I am being buried by the weight of garbage and guilt.

It would be nice if I could just not care.  Oh how freeing to toss one's waste without thought of the future and the desecration of the land.  I have tried to throw things out and occasionally manage it - once it has been through rigorous reuse.  But I am only one person, I can only reuse so much.  

Perhaps it would be better if others cared more.  If companies could use less plastic and paper in their packaging.  If more companies were interested in recycling their products and making products that last.  Gone are the days of owning objects for a lifetime.  Of fixing things that break down instead of buying new.  Of feeling proud of every shabby sweater that has warmed you for an age.  Of embracing the old for its service and sentimentality.

And so I struggle with the bins and boxes and bags.  And I search in vain for new ways to repurpose and reuse and recycle what I can.  And I hope for a few more people to feel as strongly as I.  Perhaps some day things will change.  But at least I can live with myself until then.